Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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