What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
