I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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