the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
