He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
