I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
