just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
