every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
