we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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