playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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