so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
