She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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