the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
