oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
