I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
