if only i could text you this smell
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
