I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
