Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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