dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
