Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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