you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
As shirtless as possible
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
