Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
