i need an iv and a liver transplant
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
