Dude my mom stole all your condoms
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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