i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
