Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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