I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
