Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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