so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
