Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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