Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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