Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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