I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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