I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
