lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
