its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
