I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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