First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
