yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
