Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
