They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
