I just gift wrapped bread.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
