HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
