You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
