I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
