considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
