Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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