im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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