ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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