I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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