Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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