remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
