yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
