would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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