margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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