Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
