if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
